Am I Driven or is it Mania?

I ask myself this a lot. Whether it be doing art, or this blog, or whatever venture I'm striving for at a given time, it ends up being all I think about and pretty much all I do.

Though last year was a real mess. I moved my website multiple times, started a blog, stopped a blog, opened an online store for art, shut it down. Never could make up my mind.

I get an idea and I have to ask, is this a good idea, or am I manic?

It's kind of frustrating at times. It's like I have to fight with my own brain just to figure out what, if anything, I should do.

I was going to take tonight off and write in my journal with my fancy fountain pen while watching Dancing with the Stars. I did write in my journal, but the idea for this blog hit me, so here I am.

I feel like when Taylor Swift was on Jimmy Kimmel saying this is all she does. She doesn't have hobbies. Art and blog ideas just pop in my head and I have to do something with them. I sometimes worry about overwhelming my readers, but many say they want to know what I'm up to, so I figure I would share.

Sometimes I have this fear that I'm not working hard enough. That if I want this blog to succeed and want to move forward, then I have to always be pushing forward, adding new articles, promoting it, doing something.

I probably think too much about it, but I don't know any other way. I see other people's work doing well and I just have to push myself and see what I can do.

People tell me not to worry about views, numbers or subscribers, but that's kind of the name of the game. I don't think there is anything wrong with those things as long as I'm not acting like a dick about it.

I don't want to be successful just to make money off of my blog, but also to build a community here. As I've talked about before, we are way too trapped on the big social media platforms. I'm trying to build a place that is my own, independent from the big companies.

I take medication for my bipolar disorder. If it wasn't for my meds I would probably write whole books on this page, but they would be rambling and incoherent. So my medication at least gives me the ability to focus.

I wonder if anyone else goes through this with their creativity. Just obsessively creating and posting and hoping something catches on.

Until then I'll keep putting articles out. They aren't hard for me. It is work, but usually brain dumps of whatever is in my head at the moment, and you guys are in the front row.

If you like my blog and want to read more free ramblings, please subscribe below. If you are feeling like you want to be more supportive, then check out my paid tiers!